Chills

I went to a community group last night, and they opened up the floor to have people share about what's going on in their life right now.  It took me a long time to build up the courage, but I felt led to say something.  In fact, I'd say I was feeling guilt at the idea of not saying anything-- especially since I've been so quick to report all the negative in my life, I thought that this is one of the mediums in which I should express gratitude as things have started to look up.  So I finally started to say, "Well... I'll share..." literally at the exact same time as the facilitator started to say, "Ok, well let's wrap up."  I backed down and said, "Oh, it's okay.  Nevermind."  And several people encouraged me to continue, insisting that we were not on a set schedule.   

So I briefly talked about the struggles I had faced last semester with my new move.  I actually never even went into why I moved here or anything about dance (this information will be important later)-- I just talked about my job, and being lonely, etc. I spent more time focusing on how little things are starting to turn around, and how I was finally learning to take everything one day at a time, and most importantly how I was being forced to depend on God for my strength since I've been stripped of all the financial, emotional, and spiritual luxuries that made my life so comfortable for so long.

And that was it, several people nodded showing understanding and agreement with what I was saying.  They were very supportive, and I was glad that I took the time to wrestle with my thoughts and force myself to articulate them-- more for me than anyone else, but I never could have expected what happened next...

After I finished speaking, the facilitator continued his "wrap up," as he was originally trying to do before I had interrupted.  He explained that the last few minutes were going to be ours.  The worship leader was going to play some closing songs, but we could feel free to sing, journal, pray, sit in silence-- whatever we needed.  I felt awkward.  I didn't really know what to do, but that didn't last long.  Within seconds, the girl next to me tapped my leg and whispered, "Thank you for sharing.  That was just for me... I needed to hear that."  We spoke for a few minutes, and she talked about how she is getting over a recent breakup.  But just last night she ran into her ex, and he was with his new girlfriend, so she came to the community group with a heavy heart.  She said she needed to hear about relinquishing herself to God, and needing to depend on him every day to give her the strength she needed to cope and move on.  While we were in our conversation, another girl approached us from across the room, "I just wanted to come over here and talk to you," she said to me.  "I just moved here in August from California, and I feel like I'm in the exact same situation that you said you were in.  It was really great to hear your take on it, and what God's teaching you during this time."  By the end of the night, SIX people came up to me to thank me for sharing what I did because in someway it spoke to them personally.  I mean, I get that I live in New York City, and everyone's a transplant from somewhere else, and everyone goes through their own story of loneliness and frustration, but I wish I could describe the wonder in their eyes as they felt that they were receiving a divine message of hope and encouragement... and perhaps the wonder in my eyes as I contemplated this divine orchestration of timing and placement.  Considering I almost didn't say anything, it was really incredible to see my simple words being used for part of God's intricate plan.

But here's the real kicker.  One of the people that approached me, Jeannie Jo-- I had never met her before last night-- said she was so moved by what I said that she wanted to pray for me.  So she proceeded to pray over my situation for about 5 minutes, and here were the closing words of her prayer: "God please remove this backpack from Rachael's back, and carry it for her, so she can dance freely up the mountainside..."

If you don't have chills right now, please refer back to the closing paragraphs of one of my previous posts entitled Deliverance...