Birthday Blogs- Andria

I don't know what happened in September about 26 years ago, but almost all of my besties have birthdays in May or June.. and this year, unfortunately, I'm on the other side of the world.  :(  So here's my official kick-off to the Birthday Blog in honor of the beautiful people in my life who I love dearly and wish I could be with this month!

June 2nd
Andria Groover


Thank you for listening to all my junk and constantly reminding me that, 'Christ is all'...

Thank you for being so comfortable in your own skin. You're my inspiration...

Thank you for teaching me how to dream big...

I feel like I'm losing my other half... I don't know what I'm going to do without you...

But you definitely left YES (and me) better than you found it...

Know that I love you deeply, and I always will. You I hope you have the happiest of birthdays today!

Thy Sweet Mercy

I've felt inspired to write recently.  And although the idea of "starting my blog back up" and catching everyone up on my move back to Texas and the last year of my life seems overwhelming and crippling, I am driving out the feelings of anxiety that would normally paralyze me and keep me from even trying.  Instead I'm taking the "How Do You Eat an Elephant?" approach... "one bite at a time..." 

So here's a tiny morsel of some of the thought patterns filling my life right now:
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This morning this hymn had me weeping uncontrobally, specifically this verse:

Without Thy sweet mercy, I could not live here,
Sin would reduce me to utter despair,
But through Thy free goodness, my spirit's revived,
And He that first made me still keeps me alive.

Recently, I've been coming to terms with the innate wickedness of my heart:
-I am selfish...
-I live in jealousy...
-I keep score...
-I hold onto bitterness...
-I squander my time, my money, and my talents...
-I seek the approval of others
-I am ungrateful and discontent

The list goes on and on.  But recently I've learned about a God who doesn't ask me to clean myself up, but rather to come just as I am.  And the more I learn about this loving God, the more I despise myself for my sinful heart, wondering how someone could show mercy towards me, but all the more I love God for loving me inspite of my wretchedness.  

I think Paul would understand me...

Romans 7:15-25
"For I do not understand my own actions.  For I do not do what I want but I do the very thing I hate.  Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good.  So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.  For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh.  For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.  For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.  Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.  So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand.  For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members.  Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

And as the hymn says,
'But through Thy free goodness, my spirit's revived,
And He that first made me still keeps me alive.'

Later Paul goes on to reassure us:
Philippians 1:6
"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."

Before I Go

Ok, it's official; I just bought my ticket-- I have 2 more weeks left in NYC!!! Yikes!!! I know I'll be here again soon, but I still have a long list of things that I want to make sure I do before I leave.  I also took a walk down memory lane while I was compiling this list, and it reminded me of how blessed I've been this year.  What an incredible and life-changing experience!

If there's anything missing from my list, let me know!  But keep in mind I only have 14 days to do them!

Broadway
Mary Poppins
Phantom of the Opera
Chicago

Been there, done that:
Sister Act
Book of Mormon
Memphis
West Side Story
Wicked (Broadway on Tour)
How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying



Shows
SNL- I hear you have to sign up for this once a year, but I'm still keeping it on my list :(
David Letterman
Apollo Theater- Amateur Night
Free Summer Concert Series
Nuyorican Poets Cafe- slam poetry open mic- waited in a line that wrapped the building, but couldn't get in.  I hear it's that good!

Been there, done that:
Broadway on Broadway- opening season show in Times Square- performances from each Bwy cast (and I was in the intermission performance!)
GLEE Live Tour- "audience member" for movie filming and then tickets to the concert afterwards






Experiences
Kayak in the Hudson
Trapeze at Chelsea's rig
Explore High Line park
Eat a hot dog at Coney Island
Jersey Shore/ the Brownstone/ and Teresa and Joe's pizza parlor

Been there, done that: 
Walk the Brooklyn Bridge- done several times- INCREDIBLE at sunset
Attend a Yankees game
Museum of Modern Art- you need the entire day
Visit Ground Zero on Sept 11 
Ride bikes through Central Park- delightful during leave-changing season
Boat cruise around Lady Liberty
View NYC from the top of the Empire State Building
Rockafeller Center- breathtaking at Christmas time
Write on New Year's Eve confetti that falls in Times Square
Union Square farmer's market
Shopping in Williamsburg, Brooklyn- super hipster
Korean-town Private Karaoke Rooms- so much fun!





Restaurants
Nook
Patsy's
Papaya King
Bagelberry- it's the Pinkberry of bagels and cream cheese! So many options!


Been there, done that:
Amy Ruth's- chicken and waffles
Grimaldi's- voted no. 1 pizzeria in NYC
Shake Shack- okay burgers; incredible ice cream blizzards, including one with jelly donuts!
Vinyl- most hilarious waitstaff; crazy good brunch
Blockhead's- 17 different flavors of frozen margaritas! coconut's my go to 
Mother Burger- great junk food menu; fun environment; cheap drinks
Hot Bagels- strawberry cream cheese mixed with real strawberry slices
Hillstone- scariest management, best all-around food in NYC
Clinton St. Baking Co- biscuits and jam instead of bread basket
Five Napkin Burger- okay burgers; coffee toffee brownie sundae- to die for!
Southern Hospitality- amazing ribs, stuffing, and sweet potato fries; worst-case pecan pie
Food Trucks: hot dogs, hot sausages, falafel, waffles, pretzels, hot nuts, bagels, dumplings- wow this list amazes me! so many great things can come from a truck!



Desserts 
Serendipity- signed up for the 2 hour wait list, but didn't stay
Magnolia
Crumbs
Dean and Deluca

Been there, done that:  
Max Brenner's- creative dessert designs
Junior's- best cheesecake
Pinkberry- Swirl is better
Levain Bakery- their cookies are the size of muffins! and delicious!





Bars
Irish Rogue
Brooklyn Brewery
Redemption
Frying Pan- bar on a boat in the Hudson

Been there, done that:  

Mercury Bar- party goes all night long; top 40 music pumping; friendly crowd 
O'Flaherty's- live music 7 nights a week
Reunion Surf Bar- ditsy waitresses, but fun tropical drink menu
Smith's Bar- live music, full dinner menu, decent time

Exploration

I thought I'd announce this here as a special reward to my blog followers.  First of all, thank you so much for your support during my year of adventures and self-discovery.  It's been such an intense and emotional year, but honestly, something as simple as knowing that you guys were reading this, and encouraging me to update more frequently, helped me to feel grounded in your friendship even though I was miles away. 

When I was in Nicaragua, there was a girl there who was volunteering from the States.  She had lived there in a small village for over a year with limited communication with her family-- i.e. a few times a week when she could get into the city and find an internet cafe, etc.  She was wrapping up her time in Nicaragua, about to move back to the U.S., and I remember her telling me that her biggest fear throughout her time in Nicaragua was the idea that her family and friends' lives just kept on going without her in it.  At the time I didn't fully understand her statement-- it seemed a bit selfish and a little over-dramatic; it's not like her family was going to forget about her, and it was only a year...  But within my first month of living in NYC on my own, her comment kept running through my mind, and I instantly found its meaning.  So again I thank you for taking an interest in my adventures, and essentially, even if it was just for a few minutes a day, allowing our two worlds to intersect. 

With that being said, here's my fun news:
As of 1:06pm (EST), I became the newest and proudest East End Explorer!  I will be East End's very first dance instructor, and I get the extreme privilege of building a dance program from the ground up! And the icing to the cake: my new boss helped assuage one of my fears by being extremely flexible and creative in allowing me to find ways to continue my dance education in Houston so that I don't lose all of the training and development I acquired here in New York City.  I'm extremely excited about my next chapter, and feel as though everything is falling in place more perfectly than I could have imagined.  I'll be staying in NYC as long as possible so I can squeeze out every ounce of talent and passion from this rich city-- probably leaving towards the end of July (the poet in me leaning towards the 26th to be exact, rounding out my one full year to the date)!

So there it is!  I am excited to be coming back to Texas and YES Prep-- drastically different, and eager to apply all that I've learned about life to my new phase, while still very much the same, and excited to feel at home again. 

'Tis so sweet...

Food for Thought

After recently retiring from my 8-month stint with waiting tables, I woke up at 4:30am this morning to return to the food service industry-- but this time with joy and excitement in my heart.  For many years, I've struggled with a desire to serve people who are homeless and hungry, but always having a different excuse for not getting involved.  Today was a first step as I went to St. Bartholomew's Church to serve a warm breakfast to anyone who chose to come.  What I loved about the church was that they had us set up 36 place settings, and allowed men and women to come in and sit for as long as they wanted.  Once someone left, a new person was welcomed in to have a seat.  No one was rushed, and seconds and thirds were given upon request.  Ladies walked around the room with carafes offering more apple juice and hot coffee, and as our guests left, they were encouraged to take baggies with tuna sandwiches and cereal bars with them for later in the day.  And if they wanted extra sandwiches, all they had to do was ask.  I couldn't get over how laissez-faire the whole process seemed to be.  I suppose I was expecting people to be herded through a line and scolded for asking for more than their fair share-- as if they should simply be grateful that we were doing this great service for them... but perhaps I was projecting those expectations from the darkness in my heart...

I just couldn't understand how everyone was going to be served endlessly without us running out of food, but to my great surprise, we had leftovers by the end of the meal, and we were trying to give extra food away!  And as always is the case in these situations, I walked away humbled and enlightened...


Late in the afternoon the Twelve came to him and said, "Send the crowd away so they can go to the surrounding villages and countryside and find food and lodging, because we are in a remote place here."  [Jesus] replied, "You give them something to eat."  They answered, "We have only five loaves of bread and two fish." (About five thousand men were there.)  But he said to his disciples, "Have them sit down in groups of about fifty each."  The disciples did so, and everybody sat down.  Taking the five loaves and two fish and looking up to the heaven, he gave thanks and broke them.  Then he gave them to the disciples to set before the people.  They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over.  Luke 9:12-17

Defying Gravity

I don't really know who's reading which blogs, but this was a pretty defining moment in my NYC life, so I'm posting it to my main blog.  If you want to know more about my dancing/singing training, follow me on my 30-Day Full-Voice Challenge Blog: Rachael's 30-Day Challenge.

Today was my first private lesson with Kurt Robinson-- the organizer of the 30-Day Full-Voice Challenge: Broadway Dance Center-- Full Voice Challenge.  I've taken group classes from him for several months, but I've been afraid of going to his Performance class or taking private lessons from him because I didn't think I was ready.  Here's a blurb from the bio on his website:

Kurt’s clientele have enjoyed thriving performances in some of the hottest Broadway productions and national tours, including Billy Elliot, In the Heights, Hair, Spring Awakening, The Color Purple, Hairspray, Wicked, The Lion King, Tarzan, The Little Mermaid, Phantom of the Opera, Dream Girls, Guys and Dolls, West Side Story, A Chorus Line, Producers, Chicago, Spamalot, American Idiot, and the Radio City Rockettes. He has coached recording artists for the Columbia Artists, Jive, Def Jam, Epic, Atlantic, and Nickelodeon labels.

I hope this begins to paint the picture of why I was a little nervous about singing in front of him.  Nevertheless, in the Challenge's spirit of facing my fears, I signed up for my lesson with Kurt in hopes of learning from one of the best.  In preparation for our first meeting, I ran all over town trying to print and purchase sheet music for various songs so that we had a variety to choose from.  I didn't want to get there and have him tell me that none of the songs I had were really appropriate for my voice.

After walking me through some vocal warm ups for about 30 minutes, he asked me what music I brought.  I told him that I really wanted to work on "Landslide" by the Dixie Chicks, but I could only find the Fleetwood Mac version.  I told him that I also brought "Fallen for You" by Colbie Caillet, and that long, long, long term I really hoped to one day work on the Glee version of "Defying Gravity".  We tinkered with "Landslide" for a few moments, and he told me what key I could transpose the music to so that it would sound like the Dixie Chick version.  He had me sing through "Fallen for You" once, and then he said: "This is too easy for you.  Bring out the 'Defying Gravity'!"

Let's just say that for a brief second there was a mini 4th of July fireworks display inside my chest.  I went to my bag and pulled out my Glee music book-- I tried to use those few seconds to take deep breaths and relax.  And as he played the intro, I realized this is it, all or nothing... I'm just going to go for it.  And I went for it.  I sang that song like I had done so many times before--  in my bedroom when I was positive none of my roommates were home, in my car with the windows rolled up tight, in the shower when the water and tile acoustics make everyone sound like American Idol-- I went for it.  When I finished, I waited for the casual dismissal, the "yeaaaa... let's hold on to that one..." or the "we can keep coming back to that one when we want to push ourselves..."  But that's not what he said.

Instead he said, "You are definitely ready for this piece."  And although it's been 9 months since I've moved to New York City, my journey started today, in that moment.  I've been called out on it so many times before-- I am my own worst enemy, and my mind is the one thing that's holding me back.  I'd heard it from Goheen, "Trust yourself, Rachael."  I'd heard it from Bettina, "Just go for it."  I'd heard it from Sheila, "Get out of your own way."  I'd heard it from my other teachers, and my mom, and my friends, and complete strangers.  I've heard it since I was 9 years old starting my very first dance classes at Miss Darlette's studio. I've heard it my entire life.  So it was nothing new when Kurt told me, "You have the technique and you're doing everything right, you just need to build your confidence."  But for some reason, today was my tipping point, and today, I chose to listen. 

Today I decided to accept the fact that I'm an artist.  Being an artist isn't about trying to outdo the person next to you, or about being the best, or becoming a star.  It isn't about the competition at all-- quite the contrary.  You become an 'artist' when you recognize that the comparisons no longer matter, and you do what you do because something comes alive inside of you when you do it.  Artists dedicate themselves to developing their craft, and they get as much of a thrill receiving a standing ovation at a sold out theater as they do in the privacy of their own studio when they master a new technique in their practice.  Rachael the Artist recognizes that there will always be room to be better, but that truth is no longer viewed as a defeat; instead it's viewed as a reward-- part of the ongoing commitment to growth and creativity that artists accept with their title.  I knew 'something changed within me' when I realized that for the first time in my life, I am no longer afraid of failing... I'm afraid of not trying.


"I'm through accepting limits 'cause someone says they're so.  Some things I cannot change, but 'til I try, I'll never know."
-Defying Gravity

The Revolving Door

Meet Christy Krumm.  Christy and I met on our first day of orientation at Hillstone Restaurant.  We were the only two new hires that day, so we immediately clung to one another as we tried to get acclimated to the intimidating environment that was our new job.  During our time together, we realized that we had a lot in common.  We were both brand new to New York City-- just a few weeks apart from one another.  She had moved from sunny beaches of California to pursue her dream of writing, and I had moved from the rolling plains of Texas to pursue my dream of dancing.  (I do recognize that I am from the thriving metropolis of Houston, and that I have never lived on a rolling plain, but it just go with it. :))

A few months into our friendship, Christy and I realized that we attended the same church.  She then invited me to a community group and the women's Bible study that she had been going to, and I started to attend those gatherings as well.  Whenever Christy and I would run in to each other, we would update each other on our lives, and it was apparent that we were in a similar love/hate relationship with the City... 
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I'm wrapping up my time here in NYC, and I've been jotting down ideas of how I will capture this city and my time here in my blog-- I knew I was going to entitle it The Revolving Door and explain its tenacious and temporal qualities, but last night Christy sent some of us a link to her blog, and I knew that I could now never write that post.  She wrote it for me-- and it's beautiful and eloquent and accurate.  I'm just thankful that she beat me to it because she's an incredible writer, and my words could not have done justice to what this experience has been like.  So here's a window into my heart through the words of Christy Krumm: http://bloggingmisschris.blogspot.com/2011_02_27_archive.html.