November was definitely the hardest month since I've been here. I hit (what I hope) was rock bottom, and slipped in and out of (what I think was) clinical depression. I've been overly emotional, which as most of you know is terrifying because I'm already ridiculously emotional. I would say that I cry or have tears well up in my eyes 2-3 times a week, and anything can set if off-- good or bad: I got yelled at by the NYC bus driver for not pushing the button to try to get of the bus- got off the bus and started to cry; my boss scolded me about not plating the spinach dip chips properly- walked out of the kitchen and started to cry; watched an AWESOME episode of Glee- was so inspired I started to cry. You get the idea. I think I'm just "alone" a lot, so my emotions are always bottled up rather than being released healthily and regularly through daily conversations and interactions.
November was particularly hard because I made the decision to take one month off of my dance program. I was having friends come to visit me for a week, and I was going to home to Texas for a week, and before that I would have to pick up a lot of extra work shifts in exchange for those days I was going to be off, so I knew that dancing was simply not going to be a priority during that month. So basically most of November became about working, eating, not exercising, questioning why I'm even in this city, and counting down the days until I get to see my friends and family-- hence the rock bottom slash clinical depression. :)
However, as Debbie Downer as this entry sounds, the
actual purpose is to give thanks to all of you who helped to keep my spirits lifted during the month of November! I just wanted to set the scene so you could understand just how much I needed and appreciated your kind gestures.
So here are my Thanksgiving Thank You's in no particular order:
*Sending Fall Flowers- Just Because (Pears)
*Reading/Commenting on my blog and encouraging me (Katie, Jess)
*Going to the gym with me and working at a coffee shop, just like old times! (Edith)
*The Thanksgivingapalooza visit to NYC-- I loved hanging out with each one of you!!!
--Flying to NYC, leading an Aggie yell practice, and taking a hip hop class with me! Blackout Bullet. (Groover)
--Flying to NYC, performing in a legit NYC bar, and taking a voice class with me! Start a Bluegrass band! (Tyler)
--Flying to NYC and bringing your Stankface (Pears)
--Flying to NYC and being our high fashion homeless model. -- Sorry I don't have any pictures of you! :-( Post your Fall Foliage! (Lora)
--Flying to NYC and making me laugh non-stop! WHAT'S UP CAPITALISM?! (Marco)
--Flying to NYC and riding bikes in Central Park! (Blair)
--Taking a train to NYC and being our photographer! (Haley)
--Taking a TRAIN to NYC and sharing a bed bug bed with me. ;-) (Kate)
*Getting me dance recital flowers even though I wouldn't let you all come to the recital. ;) Thanks for still showing your support! (Tyler)
*Sending the most amazing care package I've ever received in my life- with sweet notes from students and teachers, super useful winter items, and other adorable things that she knew I'd personally like (Jess)
*Being the most consistent person I've ever dated... phone dated. Tuesdays are pretty much the highlight of my week, every week, without fail... even when I was phone-less. [Stage Right- Enter Skype] (Pears)
So thank you all for everything!! From flights and packages across the U.S. to random texts and Facebook posts throughout the day-- whether you know it or not, you guys are keeping me going. Trust me, I know how many things you have going on, so it's nice to know that you all haven't forgotten about me and that when we see each other we're able to pick off exactly where we left off. I'm definitely thinking about each of you constantly. I feel like I'm in a chapter in my life where I don't have much emotional energy to give, and I feel really selfish and weak all the time, but I know it's just an ebb and flow, and at various points in the future the tables will turn-- I just hope that in those times I will be able to give back to you and support you in the way you have been doing for me while I've been here. So thank you again for all the notes, and gifts, and visits, but those are just a manifestation of what really matters most to me, which is your friendship. Thank you! Love you guys!
